she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
