you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
