i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
