remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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