we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
