420 ftw
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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