we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
