Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
