I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
