The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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