she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize