If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
