wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
