Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
