I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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