please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
