why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I could fuck to npr.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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