Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
