i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
