I think my fart just growled at me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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