You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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