Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
