my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
