90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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