so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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