I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Maybe he injected his testicle?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
