you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
