so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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