Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
