I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
