when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
