My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
