it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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