I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to calm my uterus...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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