So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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