Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize