the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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