I think my fart just growled at me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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