Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
