better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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