my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
