Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
