Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
