Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I smell stomach acid.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
