He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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