I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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