sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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