I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize