Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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