There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
