I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
