Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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