its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
