Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
