An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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