that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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