Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
