Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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