Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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