yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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