I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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