And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
