So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
