Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
