we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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