fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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