No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I came so hard my ears popped.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
