Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
