well I can't set my house on fire every night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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