bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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