Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
