I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
